Here are your essential PODCAST NEWS headlines…
Hello and welcome to The New Podcast News Newsletter, from PodFUC - The Podcast Federation of Unionised Content [sponsored by Huel Meats - when it comes to meat in a bottle, it has to be Huel Meats - go to https://fattymeats.com and enter the discount code “FLAB” for 10% off your next purchase].
1.
International man-of-mystery, and lover of bottled meat, Steven Bartlett has launched a new arm of his company, Flight Sausages. Bartlett, real name ‘Steven Tartlette’, already has a few different arms of his business, including production, investments, and technology. According to our sources, Bartlett Sausages will be sold in packs of two with a picture of the Dragon’s Den star eating them and the words, ‘prick with a fork’ written underneath.
2.
Ed Balls is known mainly for a couple of lifetime achievements: being the former shadowy Chancellor of the United Kingdom, and - more notably - ‘Ed Balls Day’, celebrated every 28 April, which marks the occasion when he tweeted his own name. But today, he is also known for his media presence as a regular newspaper columnist, TV presenter and podcaster. His growing success has led to a new spin-off show that analyses the latest political and art news from his unique viewpoint. “Balls Deep” will start in October, 2027. PodFUC is unable to confirm whether Persephonica will produce the show, or if, indeed, anyone actually cares.
3.
American meathead, commentator and podcaster Joe Rogan has teamed up with British over-cockney and Indian curry lover Joe Swash to release their own curry meal in a box, using the power of podcasting to market it. Their new product - the Joe Rogan-Josh Swash Bosh Box - has hit the shelves this week to mixed reactions. The box, which has a picture of Joe Swash giving Joe Rogan a piggy back on the central line while he eats the curry - has had mixed reviews by listeners and consumers alike. One disappointed fan told PodFUC that “there wasn’t any curry in mine. Just a little bit of paper that said ‘be lucky’ and a winky face. Rogan and Josh are yet to comment.
3.
In a u-turn from a u-turn - or as the Spanish say, “full-circle” - Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex (but king of strippers) and Meghan ‘the sparkle murkle’ Markle, Duchess of Sussex and owner of the largest collection of mid-size hatchbacks in the royal counties, have plans to re-boot their podcast careers. According to reports from insiders, the working title of their new show is: ‘Sorry You’re Poor but I’m Rich’, which sees the couple interview members of the homeless community across various coastal holiday towns on the southern British mainland. According to the insider, “The couple really want to connect to all peoples of the world, including the ones who have little or nothing, and to show everyone that we’re all human and we all deserve a chance.” The series will be exclusively available on Tinder and sponsored by PPE supplier 3M. Readers to this newsletter can get a discount on all PPE by visiting the show’s website, and typing in the offer code, “SORRYURPOOR!!!!”.
4.
…and finally, in an unexpected revelation, it’s been discovered by PodFUC that The Podcast Show in London surprisingly started out life as a BDSM sex show. “We love audio but our real passion is black leather and role play”, said one founder who wished to remain anonymous. “As self-flagellators, podcasting was the natural, sexier next step”. Reports of a bondage session involving senior management of Libsyn, Spotify and Richard Osman in the basement at this year’s show are yet to be confirmed.
That was The New Podcast News Newsletter, from PodFUC and I’m… sweating profusely.
*This is obviously a satirical parody. Please share if you think someone would be amused.
