Are You Shure (SM7B)?
Hello and welcome to The New Podcast News Newsletter (TNPNN), from PodFUC - The Podcast Federation of Unionised Content [sponsored by iMould: what did Mother Theresa, Donald Trump, and former quarter back of the New York Jets, Joe Namath, have in common? That’s right, they all absolutely loved a clean bathroom. Want to join the clean-rim gang? Well, now you can. Just head to https://www.geocities.io.nz/10009829/farmhand and type in the offfer code: “allthatmouldaintgold” for 5% off any purchases over $CAD 4,000)
Top tidbit (sponsored): the no.1 mistake people make when starting a podcast? Starting an actual podcast, according to the experts at ratemycrotch.com (“the world’s most reliable crotch-rating system ever created”).
Here are your headlines:
1.
Smartless - the podcast where celebrities pretend to like each other - is to get a boost this week after hosts, and occasional actors, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Will Arnett have collectively been awarded the title of ‘Hardest Working People [in Podcasting]’. An associate producer on the show tells TNPNN that “[the guys] work harder than anyone I know, and that includes my wife who works 14-hour shifts as a nurse. The other day, Arnett wrote his own show intro. It’s quite remarkable, really, what limits those guys push themselves to.”
2.
Peter “the ladies man” Forecourt - the exuberant host of the moderately successful podcast and YouTube series ‘Now That’s What I Call Muzak 6t9’ and lover of vocal fry - claims to be the first person to use podcast data to track levels of attractiveness in the opposite sex. “It’s quite simple”, Peter told TNPNN. “Ladies love data, they can’t get enough of those salacious numbers. In fact, using my proprietary method - by combining data from Magellan AI and Apple fan reviews, I can make the ladies swoon at the drop of the hat.” Peter talked to TNPNN direct from his mum’s house in Sydney, Australia, where he currently resides.
3.
In other crooner news, singer and frantic podcaster Michael Bublé is to release an album with songs dedicated to his true combined passions of love and amateur podcasting. Title tracks from the forthcoming album, to be released in February 2028, include, ‘Miss My Vibe? Subscribe! Subscribe!’, ‘Are You Shure (SM7B)?’, and ‘Get Out of My Head and Into the Studio (You Lucky Minx)’. All proceeds from the album will go to the ‘Pods for Distressed Dogs’ charity, providing a safe space for distressed dogs to listen to a variety of animal-friendly shows (ad-free).
4.
And finally, Conan O’Brien - the celebrated American comedian and popular chat show host* - has rebuked the claim that his head is now 45% quiff. He told TNPNN, “Who let you in? I’m not angry, that’s just my face. Now get the hell out of my studio!” In related news, TNPNN are due in court in early November. We’re… disappointed not to be Conan O’Brien’s friend.
And that was The New Podcast News Newsletter from PodFUC. And remember, if it ain’t broke, Spotify will probably find a way .
This is obviously a satirical parody. Please share if you think someone would be amused - https://podfuc.ghost.io/ for sign up and back-catalogue.
* not the feared Irish barbarian
